Tops, Bottoms & Everything in between
This segment is going to hit on the sexual preferences among the men in our LGBT+ culture. Why they feel the need to be so restricting about it, and push those restrictions onto others when looking for friends, lovers, or sexual partners.
These types of men are mostly viewed as the peak of the sexual pyramid per-say, as they are overly romanticized as being hyper-masculine with very high sex drives. When in truth most men that identify as a sexual top, may be farther from that definition. Even most men that depend on that need to be a top, may even change things about themselves to be the ideal sexual top. That’s right… they would hide who they really are to be what their society expects them to be. This is mentally damaging to a person and could lead to depression, violent out breaks, and sexual promiscuity; all of which could lead to a break-down long the road and result in ways that could end terribly or even fatally.
Sexual Bottoms are seen as the lowest of the sexual pyramid. When most people say “bottom” the most vibrantly colored, out-spoken, sassy, sissy-that-walk, tongue poppin’, side eye giving, emotional train wreck of a glitter-pissing gay man is envisioned… Tell me otherwise? Most are seen as loud “Heygurls”; the type to walk into a room, see someone they know, and shout “Hey girl!” This is how they have been stereotyped. I have, in my years, met plenty of men that are as masculine as they can be, and be a sexual bottom. These types of men refuse to be part of the mainstream gay culture because of this very misconception. In turn our culture hurts because not every gay man is 100% on board.
These men make up the main body of our sexual pyramid, as they can be more top or bottom, but still swing from one role to the other in a sexual situation. These men also make up the majority of our gay male culture and yet get the most backlash for it. They can be very masculine and mistaken for a top, adversely they also can be just as flamboyant as can be and mistook for a bottom.
So why all the prerequisites, side-eyes, internalized-homophobia, and stereotyping?
There are men out there that like to just top.
There are men out there that only want to bottom.
There are men that are versatile, that like to top and bottom.
If you are a Top… not all men should seen as a bottom to you. If by chance you to begin to date a man that is versatile, understand that you will never be able to give him everything that he needs sexually. So you may need to re-think how you view men when dating, and if you are willing to be the man that can give 100% in a relationship.
OR are you just the type to say this is how it is, and I am not changing…
~if it is the later, I expect that relationship will be an “open” one, and you may even have to open yourself up to the understanding that your relationship may fall apart.
If you are a Bottom… there are tops out there. Just not the tops you envision in your imagination. You are watching too much porn, not all Tops look like that, or even have sex like that. Versatile men are not bottoms… so if you start dating one… get ready to try something new. Because if you are willing to be in a relationship give 100% or just stay single.
OR just don’t go after the versatile men if you can’t handle having sex in the top position. This is no slight to you, but as your stereotype permits, you get all panicky, and begin to cry and throw a tantrum if you are asked to top.
Versatile men… be more understanding of the tops and bottoms out there… they are set in their ways and have a hard time accepting change, or even trying new things. If you’re dating one or the other, be patient, but persistent in your needs and desires. If you are willing to make it work, they should be willing as well.
OR just date other men that are versatile… then you know you will be satisfied and there will be no arguments about it.
In closing I want to say, stop the shady name calling with each other. It’s just sex, and everybody that has it seems to want to get more of it. I’m not telling you to lower your standards, but I want to you live in the real world and not the world that gay porn has promised you. Porn is a great tool to get things going, when otherwise things are at a standstill. It should not be your go to for everything.
I will touch back on this subject again, as there are deeper issues that need to be said and discussed. I do plan on exploring the dynamics of Lesbian, Bisexual, and Trans Relationships and the sexual roles that they play in the LGBT+ culture and community.