Relationships: Sex, Love & War

Tops, Bottoms & Everything in between


This segment is going to hit on the sexual preferences among the men in our LGBT+ culture. Why they feel the need to be so restricting about it, and push those restrictions onto others when looking for friends, lovers, or sexual partners.



These types of men are mostly viewed as the peak of the sexual pyramid per-say, as they are overly romanticized as being hyper-masculine with very high sex drives. When in truth most men that identify as a sexual top, may be farther from that definition. Even most men that depend on that need to be a top, may even change things about themselves to be the ideal sexual top. That’s right… they would hide who they really are to be what their society expects them to be. This is mentally damaging to a person and could lead to depression, violent out breaks, and sexual promiscuity; all of which could lead to a break-down long the road and result in ways that could end terribly or even fatally.



Sexual Bottoms are seen as the lowest of the sexual pyramid. When most people say “bottom” the most vibrantly colored,  out-spoken, sassy, sissy-that-walk, tongue poppin’, side eye giving, emotional train wreck of a glitter-pissing gay man is envisioned… Tell me otherwise? Most are seen as loud “Heygurls”; the type to walk into a room, see someone they know, and shout “Hey girl!” This is how they have been stereotyped. I have, in my years, met plenty of men that are as masculine as they can be, and be a sexual bottom. These types of men refuse to be part of the mainstream gay culture because of this very misconception. In turn our culture hurts because not every gay man is 100% on board.



These men make up the main body of our sexual pyramid, as they can be more top or bottom, but still swing from one role to the other in a sexual situation. These men also make up the majority of our gay male culture and yet get the most backlash for it. They can be very masculine and mistaken for a top, adversely they also can be just as flamboyant as can be and mistook for a bottom.


So why all the prerequisites, side-eyes, internalized-homophobia, and stereotyping?

There are men out there that like to just top.

Let them.

There are men out there that only want to bottom.

Let them.

There are men that are versatile, that like to top and bottom.

Let them.



If you are a Top… not all men should seen as a bottom to you. If by chance you to begin to date a man that is versatile, understand that you will never be able to give him everything that he needs sexually. So you may need to re-think how you view men when dating, and if you are willing to be the man that can give 100% in a relationship.

OR are you just the type to say this is how it is, and I am not changing…

~if it is the later, I expect that relationship will be an “open” one, and you may even have to open yourself up to the understanding that your relationship may fall apart.

If you are a Bottom… there are tops out there. Just not the tops you envision in your imagination. You are watching too much porn, not all Tops look like that, or even have sex like that. Versatile men are not bottoms… so if you start dating one… get ready to try something new. Because if you are willing to be in a relationship give 100% or just stay single.

OR just don’t go after the versatile men if you can’t handle having sex in the top position. This is no slight to you, but as your stereotype permits, you get all panicky, and begin to cry and throw a tantrum if you are asked to top.

Versatile men… be more understanding of the tops and bottoms out there… they are set in their ways and have a hard time accepting change, or even trying new things. If you’re dating one or the other, be patient, but persistent in your needs and desires. If you are willing to make it work, they should be willing as well.

OR just date other men that are versatile… then you know you will be satisfied and there will be no arguments about it.



In closing I want to say, stop the shady name calling with each other. It’s just sex, and everybody that has it seems to want to get more of it. I’m not telling you to lower your standards, but I want to you live in the real world and not the world that gay porn has promised you. Porn is a great tool to get things going, when otherwise things are at a standstill. It should not be your go to for everything.


I will touch back on this subject again, as there are deeper issues that need to be said and discussed. I do plan on exploring the dynamics of Lesbian, Bisexual, and Trans Relationships and the sexual roles that they play in the LGBT+ culture and community.


Please don’t forget to like and share… and feel free to comment or ask questions.

Relationships: Sex, Love & War

Moving on, Rebounding or Just Showing off


“Most women set out to try to change a man, and when they have changed him they do not like him.”

-Marlene Dietrich-

Lets face it, single life is no fun. But for the wide majority it is a normal awareness they are reminded of most of the day and throughout the day. Others may have been in a relationship for years, or just starting a new one. Then there are those that start a new relationship every week or by the Moon cycle. Leaving the singles of the world wondering what they are doing wrong, when so many can jump in and out of ‘love’ so easily and quickly.

As a single person myself I see so much happening with my friends and those near to me… and I wonder. Can most of them deal with single life for longer than a few months, or do they really need that dependency of having a boy/girl friend in their lives. Is that other person just something to drag around with them when they are with their friends, or to take countless selfies with to capture the ‘perfect moment’ and then show it off and count the ‘likes’.

Is it okay to call them your “soul-mate” after only a week or two, and then begin with the “I love you’s” soon after? Only to break up in a month or so and find another “soul-mate”. How many “soul-mates” are you going to have before you kill the belief in the meaning, how many times will you say ‘I love you’ and the next day it’s done and over and they are your ‘ex’ or just a roommate, or old friend you used to play around with.

Find comfort in yourself, in being single. Own your solidarity and be your number one. before you start thinking about bringing another person into your life, think first if you are ready to take that on. Is your heart ready to love again, or are you just addicted to the feeling of having someone there, do you even care about yourself enough to let your own heart heal from whatever broke it to begin with. Would you give someone a broken gift at a party, of course not. So why give your broken heart to someone else thinking that they can fix it just by being there. And filling a space till something better comes along is no better… what kind of person does that make you, worse than the person that broke your heart.

Relationships; Sex, Love & War

We create our own loneliness…


I see all these posts from people about how much they’re unhappy, or how they wish they could just be happy again. In truth these people are just lonely, and sad about it, and feel the need to let the world know they’re not happy. By no means am I trying to kick a person while they’re down. That’s not the kind of person I am. I want to inspire you, to be a better you. Instead of thinking about why you cannot find Mr. or Miss Right, think about being Mr. or Miss Right for yourself. Be the person you want to attract and have in your life. If you think I am crazy cause all you are seeing in your mind is the physical being of whom your Mr. or Miss Right may be, then you are not ready for a relationship at all. A persons physical look does not determine their personality. Besides, in time all beauty succumbs to age, and all fads are destined to fall, be mindful and remember that always. If you walk around thinking you’re alone all the time: then who are your friends and family to you? Being single, and being alone are not the same thing, remember that. I am a very happy person, and I have been single for over 7 years and by far do I think of myself as alone.

What you sew, so shall you reap. The Love you pass over today, is the Love that passes you by tomorrow and the next. So no more bitching about being single, no more whining about not finding someone to Love you. The truth is that you are picky and shallow. You know this to be true. If you want someone to Love you, you need to learn to love yourself, not just in theory, but unconditionally (did you see the big ‘L’? That means the real deal, more so than you love pizza or beer. ) Be the perfect partner to yourself first and others will see that you take care of yourself. In the long run this will attract people to you; because they will want you to care for them just as much as you care for yourself. On the upside you may find that you enjoy being single, and just casually date every now and then.

Not everyone wants to be single, but when the opportunity for Love or relationship makes itself known to you, you pull out a list of prerequisites and requirements. And you do this to your friends as well… don’t deny it. So now you know that you are the reason you are single.

~Here’s my advise; break free from your shallow attractions. The guy that’s not 100% your dream guy may one day lead you to the one that is. Plus you may find along the way that this guy was everything you needed after all. So keep in mind your needs will always out weigh your wants in the end, but your wants will always overshadow your needs in the beginning.

~Love is not easy for everyone, in fact those that have a hard time trying to find a meaningful fulfilling Love seem to look the most for it in the worst places. Those that find simple love don’t really look for it, and it kind of just falls in their lap, and they often take it for granted.

~Remember: Only fools try to harvest on barren ground. As a fool will try to find love where love can’t be found.


Please [like] and [share]… and ask me Questions if you have them!!!


Gasp! Put that thing away…

And yes, I am talking about your phone.


The rudeness is getting out of hand, and my filter, as you all know is non-existent. So there I find myself with my good-Judy sister Eden, sitting with the children after a very fine show about to order beverages at a Denny’s at Myrtle Beach. When I notice that the young man sitting eye-to-eye across from me is steady tap-tap-tapping away on Grindr with some local ‘trade’. I had to ask him… “Young man is our company not good enough for you, please put your phone away? Mine has not left my pocket since I sat down.”  He proceeds to try and give an array excuses (to which I ignore and order my hot tea and meal, to the very bright and polite server), and with the support of the other children we find he was the only one on the phone at the table… although, the others had theirs on the table, or at hand. He did put his phone away without argument. Needless to say we all had a grand time after.


Your phone is your business, and yes, you may pay that bill and can use it freely. Have you thought that when you’re spending time with your friends and family, you could leave it alone for that time? Would you rather be somewhere else texting other people or sitting alone with your phone on the internet?


Because if you’re talking to me, and you stop to take a text, and it goes on for more than three to five minutes, I’m just going to walk away from you. Because apparently whatever conversation we were having was not that important to you. If you get mad at me for doing so, then it’s you that need to re-think your priorities. The people right in front of you should come first.


You have a cell phone as a convenience and a luxury; it has replaced your calculator, address book, camera, flashlight, alarm clock, calendar, media player, road map, note pad, and many more functions. Would you like it to replace your friends as well? You have ‘Siri’, and ‘Okay Google’ to talk to all day.


Just put your phone away for a while when you are with others… you can answer that text later, and listen to the voicemail after your visit. Besides, if all you want to do is text with others anyway, then just stay at home and do just that.


When a new Star Shines do the local Stars Dim?

What’s in a name? I guess that depends on the name, am I right? When it comes to Drag and the performance industry a name could make or break you. Even deeper still into the world of pantomime entertainment, or even simply calling it ‘drag’; may you be male or female, queen or king, impersonator or not, what really makes a person in this industry truly famous; is face time… you know – publicity.


How does one performer become better known than any other? Before the days of RuPaul’s Drag-Race, the performer really had to do all the work themselves. Sometimes it started with a talent show at a night club to get their face seen for the first time. A lot of the times a talent show was the way for the Show-Director of a Night Club to get fresh entertainment for the weekends. The winner would get a small cash prize and a cameo spot in one of the upcoming weekend show nights. From there, they were pretty much on their own, unless they had a ‘House’ to help them out. Another way new up and coming performers could get a start would be to enter a pageant. There they can get tips and tricks of all kinds, but costs a bit more, as gowns, hair, jewelry, and talent costuming can get expensive. But in this way they can get constructive criticism from the panel of those chosen to judge the pageant, as well as, should they win, a hefty cash prize package, and a crown. Nowadays they have New Comer Pageants, these are for entertainers new to the scene that have never done a pageant before, going up against others just like them, there was nothing like this 10-20 years ago. Even still, when all is said and done, it was still left to the performers themselves to find venues to work at. Most of the time if a bar/night club hosted a drag show; they had someone there to ‘book’ entertainment. This person was call a ‘Show Director’, if the venue cared enough they would post in the paper, or on flyers when to call for bookings. Then the Entertainers, needing money, or just wanting to get out there, would call, and negotiate a booking fee. If you pulled a good crowd, or you were really good that night, the Show Director may try to do more bookings for that month, or season. Then the next thing you know, as an Entertainer, you have a fan following and you know that when you step out on any stage and look out into the club it’s going to be to a packed house, or as a Pageantess, you instill unease in the other contestants because you are high on your game, and they know when they hear your name, you mean business when you want a crown. Can you be both, yes, but it’s hard work to do both, some cannot swing it, while others can.

So this brings me to the real meat of this matter; Where I feel the attention is going in the eyes of what is drag, and what is entertainment, and how I feel about those that have played their respective role in RPDR. Many will call me out on this, but I really don’t care. I know I am gonna get the stink eyes, go-to-hell-looks, the “And just who are you…?” Again, I am un-bothered. Yea, I could have devoted time and money into my art-form… developed my drag character, wardrobe collection, and stage skills, and maybe even won a crown or two. I choose a different path, which was not drag; I focused on my career skills. I played in drag from time to time, and for a short while I felt I would even pick it up as a part time gig. As we all know real life comes first. So don’t judge me on that. I have been around long enough when I’ve seen things that make no sense at all.

Here is what I mean…

Say you have Queens A. B. C. & D. they are all holding big name titles, and they are very well known, great entertainers, even the local entertainers know who they are. Their booking fee is (arbitrarily speaking) $800.00, plus air fare (business class), and hotel stay (something nice, where they won’t be scared to shower). Roughly to book them individually $1,000.00- that’s not bad at all. The club would be full, and most of the local entertainers may even supplement your show, just to share the stage with them as an experience.

On the other hand a Queen from RPDR is a brand name now, and all former titles they may have won mean nothing to them as their focus is on pushing the RPDR brand as well as their own. They are seen by millions on T.V. As such their booking fee will reflect that (arbitrarily speaking) that fee is going to be from $1,500-$2,000 or higher, plus air fare (first class), and hotel stay (usually a suite, they will tell you what hotel to put them into) Total all that up and you can put a down payment on a new car, buy some new home appliances, or go to college and pay some loans.

These days when a queen or entertainer gets to the point they are deemed a star, or famous, they have a booking agent. They don’t call bars and clubs anymore; they may not even do pageants any longer.

What makes a RPDR Queen any different from any experienced Queen that has been doing pageants for longer than most of them that has been doing Drag? This is a very hard Question that I posed. I did it for a reason. That is because RPDR is nothing more than a pageant itself disguised in reality television. Interview is the video you send in, but think of Video as a preliminary, and the show itself is the final pageant. You have Questions, outfits, gowns, even talent skits that have to be preformed. Even still they keep cutting it down and you do it all over again. I have a friend that owns a preliminary state level pageant to one of the top 4 well known national pageants in the nation. In the beginning he would run this state level pageant for 5 days, and he had up to 20 contestants at one time, compared to RPDR, he was an amateur.

What would happen to RPDR if Miss Gay America started to film and broadcast on national television, or Miss Gay USofA, The E.O.Y system, or the Continental system? It’s all about publicity right, marketing, and getting your brand out there.

Don’t think I’m putting these RPDR gals down. I know that they had to have worked hard, while they were on the show, but that was the last time they worked that hard… now they have it easy… they don’t have to work as hard as they had to before. How are they giving back to the LGBTQ community that helped get them their start before RPDR? I can tell you that many of the highly recognized names in the entertainment industry of drag that have never made it to TV, or even won a crown, they give back, and it is not about the money for them.


Don’t forget to comment, like & share, or ask me any question about the topic.


Broken Pride – Broken Community

Zoi’s Words of Wisdom… From the Back Pew…

“If to be gay is not a choice, and acting “gay” is. So then why do so many gay men say that they are straight acting. Are these gay men ashamed that they are gay? Do they not want to be associated with other gay people? I see that these gay men are looking to date gay men that are also straight acting. Seems very much an oxymoron if you give it any thought.”



Now for the Read, my favorite part.

Ok… so all you gay men out there that claim to be ‘straight acting’ and looking for other gay men, that are also ‘straight acting’, get over yourselves. So you think that you are un-clockable as a fag… WRONG. There is always something that gives you away. (It’s called a “tell” in Poker, and once the other players know your “tell” you will not win another hand in that game.) Plus you still have sex with men. To ACT straight, would mean that you would have to live your life as a straight man… and act the part. (That would mean, to have a girl-friend, or wife, and only be with the opposite sex. Lying to them everyday, cause on the inside you would really want to be with a man cause you are just ‘acting’ like a straight man remember) Gay men cannot do this, we’re gay, we like men. Being in the closet still and lying about your sexuality to self-protect is not the same thing as a self proclaimed out and proud gay man that claims to be ‘straight acting’. Because they don’t want to be seen as a stereotypical homosexual, or other derogatory terms used to describe a gay man that can be outed by their mannerisms, clothing choices, speech pattern, or hair style. Now I have never seen a Lesbian look for straight acting Lesbians… that even sounds wrong to me. Most out and proud gay females that I know, Lesbians; even if they are single, don’t hide behind their gender forms. They explode from them. The same can be said about Drag Queens. That’s why Dykes and Queens make the best of friend, they have more in common… they have a deeper understanding of what it is like to be looked at funny when you are not the media normal for the modern male and female walking down the street.

Your biggest enemy in finding love, or Mr. Perfect is in your hand… or pocket. It’s your phone. I bet you have 3 or more applications for finding dates in your area. Have you used it to really go on a date, or just hook up? Just hooking up huh? Don’t lie to yourself, it’s been ages since you’ve been on a real date. you will know when you go on a real date, cause when you do, you will not even touch your phone, even if it rings, pings, buzzes, and bleeps. Tell me I’m wrong…

Men that are still on the Down Low or DL… leave them alone. You don’t need trash like that in your life. Men like this are more than likely cheating on their girl-friend, or wife. Sometimes these are men that discovered they were bisexual, but decided to hide it, or try to repress it. We all know the truth, desire makes you weak, and just because you repress a feeling does not make it go away. Sexuality is apart of you; for example you can dye your blonde hair brown… it isn’t permanent, the roots will start to show eventually.


Be true to yourself, Be true to your family, be true to your friends, and be true to strangers… We like to say “it’s not nice to judge others”… but lets face it, we do it anyway… so better to be honest and not get caught up in a lie.

Don’t forget to put your phone down a few times a day and really look at the world around you again. Go to the park (not to cruise) leave it in the console, and go for a walk… and breath a little.

We the LGBTQ(alphabet-soup) community are really all we have for each other… there are those that make claim as friends and allies, but when it comes down to the line… we need to have each others back first, then fall on to our Allies second.

A great Entertainer and great friend Coti Collins would say this at every show when I saw them preform, and these words stick with me and resonate with me, “Be kind to one another.”

Don’t forget to “like” & “share”

Dear Sovereign State and lovely country of China,


I did not vote for the man know as – donald j. trump. I never wanted him anywhere near our governing offices as I fear it would be detrimental to our country. I was also against our outdated Electoral System as it is no longer a means to validate a fair election. I humbly ask if you wish to teach that man a lesson, which I feel if he believes he is able to do the job, then a lesson he must learn. Please keep in mind and heart that there are many of us here in the U.S. that wish no ill will between our countries. That if he cannot do the job, whatever lesson you desire to teach, does not in turn, hurt or even kill many of us, because of his lack of duty and responsibility. I enjoy many of the things that the people of China has given the human race, from tea, spice, and technology. I do hope one day to visit your great nation, if our soon to be president does not mar things to terribly.


Thank You,

Zoi M.

The T is Hot… but it’s NOT new


This kinda life, can be such… a DRAG

     Being a Drag Queen is not for everyone… though today, as it seems, almost anyone can be a Drag Queen… It doesn’t mean that you should be. With YouTube makeup tutorials, how to build a wig sip-its, D.I.Y. costume sewing technique videos… the list go’s on… As I said, anyone, and nearly everyone can be a Drag Queen; With no hassles involved, albeit, as long as they have the coins to BUY all the pretty things they desire.

   The Golden Age Of Drag is dead, it started dying out in the late 1980’s, and by the end of the 1990’s the Glamour was fading into fad, and soon it became cold, heartless, and dead. No real talent anymore… instead you have copies of copies… nothing original. And if by chance someone is original, they are quickly changed, made to conform, and fit the mold of what is the fad and fancy. Every new Drag Queen out there wants a crown, but not one of them is willing to put forth the hard work, time, money, or learn what real drag is all about and it’s roots, to really know how to win. All pageant talents today are high energy solo dance numbers…


~look at how many hot buff guys I can have on stage with me in skimpy underwear…


~watch my backup dancers buck the house down while I look pretty sitting on this throne…


~me, looking pretty and fabulous, lying on the floor…


~me looking all hot and sickening being carried by hot buff guys in skimpy underwear. It really is becoming all the same.

   Little do these kids know that being a Drag Queen is a lonely life. Not all Drag performers have the luxury of having a relationship, or even a chance at one. This whole Masc 4 Masc only bull-sh!t, and I only date guys that are straight acting bull-sh!t… Come off it Mary… If he’s acting like he’s straight he’s lying.

   Because every good gay guy knows – If you are a man and you have sex with other men, you are not acting like a Straight man; because Straight men DO NOT have sex with other men. For real, ask any heterosexual man how many men he has sex with, and how often… I’m sure you will be shocked.

   Drag Queens are looked down upon in our own LGBTQ community, and it is sad to even say or think that… considering what the Drag community has done for the LGBTQ world wide standard, starting with Stonewall Inn and going from there up into today. But now that RuPaul has re-branded the Queen, everyone wants in on that ride… It kind of makes me happy and mad all at the same time. Because even if someone can make it big in the Drag Field and lifestyle, they will still be seen as second or third class by many, in our own community…

   The LGBTQ community is fractured; drag is broken, the gays act like they are too good for anything, or they just don’t care or they’re bored with everything, the lesbians are going political (though not a bad thing) some, in the wrong directions… The bisexuals are seeming to go backwards… like in the closets again… Trans-lives are being cut short, to soon… and the Queer movement is snagging. Something has got to give, or we are going to give out. We need to pull together or we risk falling apart.


Nothing in The United States of America is free, not even our basic human rights. From the day we are born, we are given a name from our parents and a Social Security number from our country.

It’s with that number that our country tracks every move we make. When you start school, graduate, begin work, buy a car, a house, and land property. With that same number they will track and count every cent you earn, then tax it.

We begin with debt, and die with it. There will be few people in The Great USofA that make a grand fortune and live a life of luxury and relaxation. The other side of that coin is not as pretty; for there will be thousands and thousands more that will work till they drop dead, spending hard earned money they don’t have, just to survive from day to day.

Even though The US is not considered a poor country, it is lacking much. The people are blind and deaf by choice; they see and hear only what they want to, even it means what they’re doing is going to hurt them in the future.

Pop culture and mainstream media are the smoke and mirror tricks used to keep you from seeing what is really going on in the world around you, even in your own country. Keep this to heart… there’s more to it than you can fathom.

Regardless of how each individual feels as far as Right vs. Wrong… there is so much more that is going on beyond that. There is – Good vs. Bad… and most importantly – Healthy vs. Toxic.

What are you missing when you watch the news?

What is not being said?

What are you being spoon fed into believing to begin with?

How much truth is in that news report?

Where is the funding that pays for that News Station coming from?

How long are you going to let this go on?


They are few…

Think about that…



Don’t forget to comment, tell me what you think of my blogs, or pepper me with questions… I will answer as best as I can.
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Relationships; Sex, Love & War – II

Perplexing Polyamory


Can it work?

Yes it can; as with all relationships, it requires communication. If not more so because more people are involved.

Polygamy is not a new concept… It has been around for thousands of years. Even in Holy texts… Kings, great leaders, and even the common man had multiple wives, though it was not said that the women had multiple husbands, I cannot see why not. It only said not to commit adultery against your spouse. So if you have more than one wife or husband, then I don’t see adultery happening.

Though having all those wives then was arranged by the families joining together, or business, or for land, or to stop war… but very rarely for love… Oh there were still children as a byproduct; it was expected after all.

Now though we’re ruled by what we think is our heart/soul. We all strive to find our true soul-mate, no matter our belief system, from Christian to Pagan; Soul-mate is the ultimate partner, handpicked by the divine powers that be. I know it sounds good, but what if you’re in love with more than one person? Does that mean you have more than one soul-mate? That’s a good question… and it really has no answer, and the answer is yes, at the same time.

How do you know if polygamy is a good dating route for you?

For starters… you try it… but you need to have other like minded people that are willing to try it with you… if not, that is called cheating or adultery if you’re married.

I know this one was a short post… but it was packed with goodies… there will be more… Don’t forget to “like” or even comment with questions… I may add your question in my next post!!